"We were on a break"
"I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat"
"A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!"
"Threw my sandwich away MY SANDWICH? MY SANDWICH!"
"A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor - in a COMA - who didn't hear you"
"Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?"
"First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault"
"Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce"
"If you're going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It's just cooler"
"I studied ka-ra-tae for a long time and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi"
"Unagi... I'm always aware"