"Everybody's got a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing? I'm just enabling you"
"I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurately be measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?"
"I don't know your odds in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable mac daddy"
"I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering that in the center of every black hole there's a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker"
"Coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand what social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance in how to proceed"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended"
"You're asking me to use my superior intellect in a tawdry competition. Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?"
"I sense a disturbance in the Force"
"Engineering - this is where the semi-skilled workers realize the work of better minds. Hello, Oompah-Loompahs of science"
"I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have a lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?"
"You hypocrite! Miss "grown-ups don't play with toys!" If I went into your apartment right now, would I not find Beanie Babies? Are you not an acquirer of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And just who is that Japanese feline on your shorts? Hello, Hello Kitty!"